Gaining mastery over your emotions is achievable with consistent effort and endurance.

Frequent emotional reactions such as irritation, dismay, sadness, or nervousness can affect your mental health and decision-making process. Indeed, studies have shown that while emotional responses can sometimes aid decision-making, they can also negatively affect it.

“Highly charged or extreme emotions might hinder our ability to remain grounded during problem-solving,” notes Deborah Serani, PsyD, a faculty member at Adelphi University and the writer of “Sometimes When I’m Worried.”

Nonetheless, being able to use logic to navigate your desires, actions, and cognitions amidst overpowering emotions can, according to her, lead to improved satisfaction with the choices you execute.

Why Can’t I Reign in My Emotions?

Whenever individuals react impulsively, it becomes a challenge to maintain emotional control, points out Serani. According to her, both splendid, exhilarating moments and those filled with happiness can obstruct sound decision-making, as can negative and hostile emotions, including rage, dismay, resentment, and bias.

“It’s essential to recognize and accept your emotions while incorporating self-analyses into your handling. There exists a proverb that advocates, ‘follow your heart, but bring your brain along,’” Serani suggests.

Serani further emphasizes that envisioning the worst-case scenarios and avoiding issues can affect emotional regulation. She notes that such tendencies enhance the production of stress hormones, leading to discomfort, irritability, and restlessness.

“This also triggers feelings of worry and self-doubt. Unfortunately, resorting to these strategies often results in despair and impotence, leaving many struggling to achieve emotional balance,” Serani remarks.

Can I Govern My Own Emotions?

“It’s both yes and no,” responds Natalie Christine Dattilo, PhD, a clinical psychologist and faculty member in psychology at Harvard Medical School.

“Emotions occur spontaneously and are involuntary, arising automatically, akin to an automatic reflex. However, we can dictate how we respond to them once they surface,” she explains.

Dattilo likens mastering emotions to “reducing the loudness” of their force and “switching to a new frequency” to experience a distinct feeling when required.

Approaches to Emotional Regulation

Below, find methods to foster emotional regulation:

Develop Your Emotional Fluency

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to interpret and govern your emotions and empathize with others’ emotions. Although the term emotional intelligence is frequently utilized, Dattilo favors the term emotional “fluency.”

“Referring to it as intelligence suggests a fixed attribute — either you possess it or you don’t. Conversely, fluency signifies a skill acquired through consistent practice, analogous to becoming proficient in a new language,” she elaborates.

Dattilo asserts that emotions serve as a means of “communication,” aligning more suitably with fluency.

“Our emotional responses are signals, endeavoring to convey a message or grab our attention; it is binding upon us to decode these messages. These alerts could signify something critical, potentially dangerous, captivating, and delightful. It is a misconception to categorize them as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ even though that is a common practice,” Dattilo says.

As you enhance your emotional fluency, she observes, your feelings become less confusing and more understandable, guiding you in determining the appropriate reactions.

Focus Your Attention Externally

Even though emotions are authentic, they lack physical form. Dattilo suggests concentrating on a visible bodily sensation in moments of heightened emotional intensity. This could mean softly pressing your palms together or touching your chest to sense your breath and heartbeat.

Utilizing music is another often-undervalued strategy to govern emotions, she adds.

“Music can elevate, energize, calm, and relax you. It can alter your emotional state swiftly,” Dattilo emphasizes.

Implement Self-Care Routines

Serani explains that engaging in physical activity, ensuring sufficient rest, consuming wholesome meals, and indulging in your favorite pastimes can foster emotional stability and foster social and emotional learning.

“Research consistently affirms that nurturing your mind, body, and spirit through such avenues enhances your self-connection, facilitating better self-regulation,” she asserts.

Undertake Inner Growth Exercises

Exploring creative outlets like journaling or blogging, joining support circles, and pursuing psychotherapy can be instrumental in navigating and understanding deep-seated emotional triggers, advises Serani.

“These approaches not only assist in understanding and managing strong emotional reactions but also unveil triggers, past traumas, or unresolved issues that might be the catalysts for overwhelming emotions,” she remarks.

Recognize Triggers That Intensify Emotions

Identifying triggers, such as specific situations or individuals that provoke a strong emotional response, although uncomfortable, is critical, says Dattilo. Recognizing these triggers can provide prime opportunities to cultivate alternative reactions to them.

“Regular practice enhances and reinforces emotion regulation techniques, including breathing exercises and cognitive reframing, making them readily accessible and effective in critical moments,” she notes.

Positive Communication

Here are some assertive communication strategies to effectively convey your emotions, actively listen, and establish boundaries with respect and understanding.

Withdraw from Aggressive Dialogues

Understand that participating in a heated argument is not obligatory. Dattilo recommends pausing and suggesting, “This discussion is significant, and I notice we are/I am getting agitated. Let’s take a break and revisit it later.”

Nevertheless, plan to resume the discussion to avoid evasion or neglect.

Steer Clear of Blameful Language

Avoid making sweeping accusations and articulate your feelings within a structured expression: “When you do ‘x’, I feel ‘y’.” Dattilo advises.

“For instance, ‘When you are on your phone at dinner, it makes me feel overlooked and insignificant. Could we converse instead?’” she offers.

Allow Others the Floor

Provide individuals with an uninterrupted span to convey their perspectives and emotions, recommends Serani.

“Less than five minutes is generally a suitable guideline,” she notes.

During this period, refrain from interjecting and genuinely endeavor to understand their standpoint.

“Interesting to note, the words ‘listen’ and ‘silent’ share the same letters,” Serani observes.

Gather Your Thoughts Before Responding

Before expressing your thoughts, Serani encourages taking deep breaths to minimize stress reactions.

“This approach facilitates cognitive engagement in your discussion, especially when emotions are heightened,” she points out.

Seek Common Ground

Aiming to identify mutual understandings can preserve the dignity of the conversation. Dattilo suggests employing phrases such as, “Can we agree to reconvene on this later?” or “Could we acknowledge that continuing this argument won’t be productive tonight and try to find a superior approach tomorrow?”

“This facilitates a cooperative mindset, enabling a shared commitment to potential resolutions,” she explains.

Conclusion

It’s natural for emotions to overpower us at times. Nonetheless, cultivating emotional regulation is attainable through persistent effort, forbearance, and self-kindness. Seize each challenging circumstance that tests your emotional stability as a chance to develop and refine your emotional fluency.